Say yes, Daddy.

As young children are often wont to do, mine often tell me, “No!” when I ask them to do something. I will then correct them and teach them to say, “Yes, Daddy.”

“Pick up your toys.”

“No.”

“Say, ‘Yes, Daddy.'”

Oftentimes, just convincing them to say, “Yes,” is enough to allow themselves to choose to help, and that’s about the extent of the correction that they need.

I’ve found, though, that this little trick works just as well for me as it does for my children. I have been thinking a lot lately about “How to Dad.” I want my children to know me and appreciate the fact that I was their father. I don’t feel I really understand what it means to be a father, and as I reflect back on my performance, I find myself lacking, and it makes me sad. One of the ways that I am trying harder now is just to do things with my children.

My children were throwing a football to each other on the front lawn the other night. Normally, I would glance out the window, ensure that nobody was killing anybody, and let them play. This time, however, I walked outside and inserted myself into their circle, and they soon tossed the ball to me. We must have spent about an hour playing.

The next day, my boy said to me, “Hey, Dad. Want to throw the football with me?” My instant reaction was to say, “No, I’m really busy. Find a sibling.” But instead, I whispered to myself, “Say yes, Daddy,” and said, “Sure, let’s go right now.” Since then, I’ve been out throwing footballs three or four different times, and even my littlest ones have wanted to join. It’s sad that I’ve already missed so many opportunities. But I don’t need to miss all of them. Now I know how to say yes.

I doubt I’ll ever be a perfect father. But I’m the only father these precious children have, so until I really know “how to Dad,” I just have to pretend that I already know what I’m doing. Saying yes will help. It’s not much, but it’s a start.