It hurts more on the inside

Eloa didn’t glance up when the nurse entered his room. He had just about become oblivious to their presence now, and was almost able to sleep through their constant intrusions. This nurse, however, instead of checking instruments or adjusting bandages or finding another place to poke him, simply walked quietly up to the edge of his bed and placed her hand on his.

Eloa looked up. “Mother!” he said, smiling up at her. She smiled back weakly, her eyes tired and her face taut.

And then, for the first time since the attack, he cried. Mirena took his hand now in both of hers and held it tightly, silent tears now running down her face as well. Eloa sobbed for several minutes, neither of them speaking to each other.

When he finally felt as though he could speak without his voice breaking, he said, “I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry. I guess I’m just glad to see you.”

“I’m glad to see you, too.”

“I wasn’t sure if they’d call you.”

“I’m your mother; of course they did.”

“Everything’s so different here. I’m not sure if I belong.”

Mirena dropped his hand, stepped away from the bed, and grabbed a chair. In moments she had pulled it up beside the bed and had her hand back in his, her face now closer to his. She looked into his eyes for a few moments before speaking.

“That’s crazy talk. You’re the only one who belongs. All the others are just pretenders.”

Eloa turned away and stared out the window. “Everyone else here is really amazing, Mom. They’re so smart, and it seems like they already know so much. They’re talented, skilled, and popular.” He looked back at his mother. “I’m not like them. I’m just me.”

“So what are they afraid of?” she asked.

“Nothing. That’s just it. They talk with the teachers like old friends. They’re confident. They’re assertive. They act almost as if they run the place.”

“If they aren’t afraid, then why are you here?”

Eloa looked at her for a moment. She continued. “You represent a threat to them, Eloa. That’s why you’re in that bed right now. You think they would have bothered to do this if they weren’t scared of you?”

“They just don’t like me.”

“If they didn’t like you, they’d ignore you. No, Eloa, you may not be able to see your own strengths right now, but they certainly can. They did this to you to try to make you as scared of them as they are of you. They want you to run away, to give up.”

“Well, it worked. I want to run away.” He paused for a moment. “But I can’t give up.”

“No, you can’t give up.”

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